Nov 20, 2009

Try and Get Me!

By Seleus Blelis 2007

I visualize my devilish functions as gangsters in a 40's style film-noir. They linger in the shadows, in dark corners, up on rooftops, sitting in cars- awaiting for the very moment to make their move on you. So when you experience just a bit or slither of happiness- you can bet - they will appear, right on schedule, on time..ringing your doorbell, jumping out from those shadows, flying down from those rooftops, jumping you and wrestling you to the ground. Not a word is spoken because you know what they want. They're holding a gun to your head or any weapon of their choice- because you got them ANGRY.

Who are you to be happy? You have pissed them off. And because they know you so well, they say to themselves 'hmm let's see, how can we mess you up, hit you where you live, destroy your life condition?'

They hit you in places they know is going to get you down, stop you from your mission, stand in the way of your human revolution- (i.e. unresolved anger, resentment, relationship, financial, personal problems).

 "In Buddhism, demons represent functions of human nature and the environment that bring misery and suffering.  These demons and devils- the robbers of life and benefit-are actually the negativity inherent in our lives.  They can appear as negative internal feelings and as external influences that try to obstruct our Buddhist practice."-

In the beginning of my practice. I knew the one area I had to address right away. It wasn't the thing that brought me to the practice (or so I thought- but that's another

I was abused when I was child and when I began my practice- the first thing I did was forgive that person and chanted for their happiness. You see for long as you hold on to whoever it was that wronged you- you will never be free. Its not about vengeance or the fact that you think by letting this go the person will think its OK what they did to you. Its how this is affecting you, not them. Whoever hurts you- because they made a bad cause, will eventually suffer a bad effect.

Knowing this, you slowly learn to let this go. Have faith in the practice, that things of this nature take care of themselves on their own in due time. Its not your responsibility. Your only responsibility is to be happy and for you to create it. Don't you owe yourself that much?

In other words, its like you've been taking poison all along hoping they get sick. They wont, your just wasting valuable time. Because all this time, you've been the one whose slowly been poisoning yourself.
The number one thing I chant for the most is to be a woman of unlimited self-esteem. I believe it all starts there, for all of us.

When we take back our power- those gangsters (the robbers of your life) will get the picture. You turn the gun back on them, shoot them all down one by one. And I think that's what this practice means to me. Its not easy, it takes time..but we learn and grow from it. Blossoming, emerging from the muddy waters as a survivor.

And when we find ourselves outnumbered- call a member..they certainly have enough ammunition to give you. :D

Artwork by


Artman2112 said...

i'm sorry you had to experience those things when you were younger :(
but i admire you for the course you're taking in dealing with it. vengeance and hate are baggage, a waste of time and almost always those that seek vengeance end up becoming the very same as the object of their hate.
granted it makes for intersting fodder for movies sometimes but in reality it is a sure path to destroying ourselves.

as you said, it can take time but i think you will succeed :)

Kumud said...

What I liked most is your become a woman of unlimited self esteem! I would like to make that my prayer as I realise that lack of self esteem leads to anger and egoism in my case. Thanks for helping bring clarity in my mind!