Jun 20, 2010

Polishing Ourselves to Deserve an Ideal Soul mate Part 2

A Young Women's Division member, capable and beautiful, had to suffer repeatedly from her vicious karma relationship. Her karma had been played out continuously for a few years by several young men of a similar type, as if the were in a relay race. Each time the relationship started, she was so attracted to one of them and would quickly surrender her heart & body, thus becoming a subordinate to the man. She had offered herself as cheap game for those men to capture easily. As a result, they did not cherish her but, one after another, dumped her when the fresh excitement faded.

Obviously, none of them was the man that she was supposed to share her life with and her karma would trap her anyway at the time when she had no wisdom to distinguish good from bad. She could realize the problem of her karma until she strove to quadruple her daimoku and kosen rufu activities for a while.

She then persistently strengthened her faith, practice and study with the goal of eradicating her karma relationship. She also worked staunchly on her human revolution. In her case, she had to painstakingly force herself not to quickly jump into a new relationship before it was clear that she had transformed her life.

She has now found her ideal soul mate, an entirely different type of person to whom she would have noticed before. Now she can genuinely treat him very sweetly to her hearts content because he gives her in return, even more love & care. However, this only transpired when she had elevated her life state and changed her perspective towards men and could thereby recognize and choose this lucky man who suits her so perfectly.

Three-years diligent practice, amidst tears and heart breaking experiences, was indeed touch to overcome in her quest to eradicate her bad karma relationship but it was well worth all the effort. If she had never made that effort, she would still be stumbling and struggling with the same karma, probably for the rest of her life,

The second answer that our lives can contribute is to choose wisely.

We don’t want to risk our happiness by grabbing someone just because that person is available to us. If we do, we can expect the endless struggle that’s going to befall us. Feeling desperately lonely, fearing that there is no chance of finding a better partner or thinking we don’t deserve a good one are no reasons to perfunctorily settle for less. Its better to leave one’s heart yearning for love than to fill the aching void without discretion.

Again, we would be much better off if we turned the energy of desperation, fear and struggle into the fuel to forge our development first. Once we have cultivated more commendable quality, naturally we qualify to have more options to choose from. Thus, we can hold our heads high and choose wisely.

Let’s look at what a harmonious seamless relationship is like in Nichiren Daishonin’s eyes:-


Letter to the Brothers, WND p 502

The ideal relationship should be reciprocally nourishing. It is very important that with our partner we inspire and encourage, respect and cherish, motivate and invigorate each other. We share dreams & hopes, embrace each others beliefs and character, shed tears together over adversities, and work as two in body but one in mind on mutual goals. Be sure that both sides are mature, sincere , independent, genuine, positive, caring and willing to improve & grow.

We don’t wish to be involved with someone whose energy is inherently destructive and negative& will hinder our happiness. If our prospective partner tends to dominate or overpower us. Unreasonably and if we are not sure of our ability to joyously accommodate such a strong personality, lets employ our wisdom and judgment and stay away from them. We have to be on our guard instead and not blindly jump into predictably doomed and painful relationship.

The third answer from our lives with which to solve our relationship problem is to renew the image of our soulmate.

Indeed, superficially speaking, it is hard to find someone whose strengths and weaknesses fit us perfectly. But, it is up to us how we think and work to compliment each other and create value from our partner’s seemingly negative traits in our eyes.

When the ideals and desires of the two sides are unbalanced or confrontational before we treat it, as a doomed relationship and helplessly plunge into the commitment or before we rush to abandon the relationship, there’s something we can try. In fact, activating our wisdom awakens us to the untrue portrait we have painted of our partner. We can also employ the teachings of Nichiren Buddhism to gain a truthful, vivid and positive image of the same person.

There are different angles from which we can review our opinion about our partner and find ways to amend and adjust the differences between both sides.

Are the fundamental problems in our relationship definitely unbearable in the long term? Are they fixed without the possibility of improvement or change? Are they solely our partners fault? Or are they the result of our own deceived mind due to the function of the three poisons of greed, anger & foolishness? Most importantly of all, do we have the wisdom to see the reality of the relationship as the manifestation of our own karma, & do we thus want to take total responsibility? What can we do to help our partner and to turn around our relationship?

Ever wonder why the same deserted man or woman can become the sweetheart of another person? One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. That is to say the value of everything changes, depending on its relationship with the environment and depending on how we look at it. Does that mean tht we can reformat the pattern of our relationship without changing partners? Yes!!

Here come the tough questions to ponder and the real task to follow through on: Can we allow our partners the room to live their lives instead of enveloping them in the narrow fashion of our frame of mind? Are we willing to employ the kind of wisdom, compassion and strength, our Buddha Nature, and to resolve to process the poisons into medicines? Will we set out on this new avenue, whatever it takes, with only a positive attitude, and create nothing but good causes for the relationship? Do we want to exert our wisdom and compassion to understand where our partners are coming from and practice this Buddhism on their behalf to help them change their karma and erase trauma?

The fourth answer to helping ourselves in our relationships is to reflect upon what we want and be well prepared for it. In other words, ask for what we want as well as doing what we have to do to deserve it.

Neetu Vaswani

Photos from tumblr

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