Challenging our weakness
is the key to believing in ourselves
By Linda C. Johnson, SGI-USA Vice General Director, Los Angeles (from
Living Buddhism,
January 2003)
“I had to ask myself whether I truly believed in the power of my
prayer
to break through my own fears and insecurities.”
I want to unconditionally love myself. I want to embrace every part
of me.
I want to believe, without reservation, that my life is
Nam-myohorenge-kyo itself.
My challenge is to believe these things amidst the realities of my
daily life.
It is a struggle, I believe, all of us face every day.
As I prepared to write this article, my deepest insecurities and
fears emerged.
I wondered: “What could I say that will inspire someone?” I bathed
in those feelings; they enveloped me. As a consequence, I could not
write a
single word. I turned to prayer, chanting to be able to write an
article that
would encourage others and help them break through the deadlocks in
their lives.
But my doubts lingered. I fought them continuously, during the day
whenever
they arose, as well as when I sat chanting in front of the Gohonzon.
In spite
of how I was feeling, I poured my entire life into encouraging others
during
meetings and guidance sessions. I told them that, with faith, they had
the power
to do anything. In the meantime, I remained stuck.
It was as a result of my fervent prayer that I realized I would never
be able
to write anything as long as I permitted myself to hold on to the
doubt in my
ability to write an article that would encourage others. I turned to
“Reply
to Kyo’o,” one of my favorite writings by Nichiren Daishonin. In
it, the Daishonin tells us: “Believe in this mandala with all your
heart.
Nam-myohorenge-kyo is like the roar of a lion. What sickness can
therefore be
an obstacle?” (The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, p. 412).
I had to ask myself whether I truly believed in the power of my
prayer to break
through my own fears and insecurities. I prayed sincerely to trust
what Nichiren
Daishonin was telling me. I also prayed to have unshakeable confidence
that,
with prayer as my foundation, I could overcome my doubts and write an
inspiring
article. My doubt, however, did not disappear instantly. There were
times while
I was chanting that it felt as if every cell in my body wanted to run
away.
The television was calling me. The telephone was ringing. I had chores
to do.
I returned to “Reply to Kyo’o”: “A sword is useless
in the hands of a coward. The mighty sword of the Lotus Sutra must be
wielded
by one courageous in faith. Then one will be as strong as a demon
armed with
an iron staff. I, Nichiren, have inscribed my life in sumi ink, so
believe in
the Gohonzon with your whole heart” (WND, 412).
This was my answer. I had to muster the courage to confront my fear.
No matter
how painful my current situation, I could not back down. For days, I
continued
to challenge my insecurity with prayer while immersing myself in
activities
to help others overcome their problems. Then, the day before I was
scheduled
to submit my article, I had my breakthrough. I had finally understood
why I
had been going through so much agony. The issue wasn’t the article. I
needed to confront my own doubt, my own lack of belief in my inherent
power
to challenge and win over my fears and insecurities.
Whether we are writing an article, facing illness, being terminated
from a
job or looking for our soul mate, the process is the same. We must
transform
our weaknesses into strengths. We must face our suffering and triumph
over it.
This experience became the catalyst for me to explain how one uses
faith to
transform challenging daily life situations into an uncompromising
opportunity
for growth. This, I believe, is the essence of the concept of the
oneness of
good and evil.
Nichiren Buddhism makes it clear that everything and everyone in life
has both
a good and an evil side. I know that some people have an immediate
negative
response to the word evil. Evil also is synonymous with the words
selfishness
and self-centeredness. Life at every moment is a battle between these
two opposing
forces of good and evil. In other words, when we manifest our
Buddhahood, it
does not mean that our self-centeredness goes away. Instead, our
ability to
continue to uncover more of our potential is directly related to our
ability
to create value using the self-centered side, rather than allowing it
to affect
us negatively. In other words, the impact that our own
self-centeredness or
that of others will have on us is based on our response to it.
In Webster’s New World Dictionary, one of the definitions of respond
is “to have a positive or favorable reaction.” This definition accords
with Nichiren Buddhism, the Buddhism of true cause. We cannot change
the past.
In this moment, however, with our thoughts, words, and actions, we are
creating
our future. In this moment, through our actions, we have the
opportunity to
change anything and everything. Isn’t that the meaning of true cause?
We affect change by how we respond to our circumstances. For example,
rather
than an automatic negative response to difficult circumstances, we
must, like
the definition, “have a positive or favorable reaction” in order
to create the outcome we are seeking.
Many of us think that if we don’t do anything the problem will just
go
away on its own. This is not the case. Even if it seemingly goes away
temporarily,
it comes back bigger and stronger.
President Ikeda explains: “The strength of our mind of faith changes
suffering
into joy, into a tailwind to propel our further advance. This is what
the ‘Devadatta’
chapter teaches. Nichiren Daishonin says: ‘Devadatta was the foremost
good friend to the Thus Come One Shakyamuni. In this age as well, it
is not
one’s allies but one’s powerful enemies who assist one’s progress’
(WND, 770).
To attain Buddhahood, we have to thoroughly conquer our own inner
evil. The
concrete means for doing so is struggling against and defeating
external evil.
Struggling to defeat evil enables us to polish and purify our lives
and attain
Buddhahood. Because we strive against the ultimate evil, we attain the
ultimate
good” (The Wisdom of the Lotus Sutra, vol. III, p. 84).
In other words, the oneness of good and evil means that where evil
exists,
there is the potential for good, and where good exists, there is the
potential
for evil. Whether evil is transformed into something good is totally
dependent
upon our reaction to evil. Do we use our circumstances as
a justification for
our failure, or do we use our circumstances as an opportunity to
develop our
strength? When we challenge evil with the spirit that we will create
something
of value out of it, then evil functions to propel us forward. It
becomes the
catalyst for our growth. “If evil functions to reveal good, then evil
in its entirety becomes good. This is truly the oneness of good and
evil. But
if evil is simply allowed to run its course, then it does not become
good. Only
when evil is thoroughly challenged and conquered does it become an
entity of
the oneness of good and evil” (The Wisdom of the Lotus Sutra, vol.
III,
p. 83).
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| Art by Seleus |
In addition to our individual lives, this principle also applies to
the situation
we are facing with Nichiren Shoshu. We live during a historic time, a
time when
we have the opportunity to prove the correctness of Nichiren Buddhism
by the
way we respond. Nikken is changing Nichiren’s teachings by
proclaiming,
for example, that people can only attain enlightenment by going
through him.
Are we going to permit Nikken to change the teachings, or are we,
through our
efforts, going to ensure that everyone has the opportunity to practice
Buddhism
correctly as taught by Nichiren? Are we going to prove that Nikken is
wrong
by showing the undeniable growth of the lives of SGI members
throughout the
world?
Happiness, from the perspective of Nichiren Buddhism, is not a state
of life
in which there are no problems. Instead, happiness is to be found in
challenging
and winning over our problems. I believe that the happiness we seek is
the feeling
that occurs whenever we cross that finish line, in spite of the fact
that our
heart is pounding, our feet hurt, and our lungs feel as if they are
about to
explode. That feeling of triumph against all odds is a state of pure
joy that
no one can give us, no matter how much they might love us. It is a
state that
we can achieve only through our own efforts.
This state of happiness is also greatly enhanced through our efforts
to help
others. I continually find that whenever I do my best to encourage
another person
in faith, no matter how I am feeling, my life-condition is positively
transformed.
Giving to others expands our own lives in wonderful, sometimes
unimaginable
ways.
We must, therefore, perfect our practice for ourselves and for
others. Both
aspects are essential parts of our practice. Not only must we
challenge our
own weaknesses, we must use our lives to help others win. For example,
do we
take the responsibility to help our friends in faith have a victory?
Do we pray
to make this happen? Maximum growth requires that we perfect both
parts of our
practice.
In this regard, I must mention that I have recently met many members
who are
stuck in what I call a maintenance practice. They are comfortable,
even if it
means being comfortable with being uncomfortable. They have lost their
seeking
spirit, the will to seek out challenges. They have no personal goals.
This is
a dangerous condition because, from my own experience, it robs us of
our passion
and enthusiasm for life. We are not even aware of what is happening at
first.
By the time we are conscious that our lives are missing something, our
apathy
has become highly developed, and it seems almost impossible to change.
There is no neutral gear in life. We are either going forward or
backward at
every moment. We need goals. They make us alive and deepen our
understanding
of this Buddhism. After all, how can we see change if there is no
standard by
which to measure growth? Challenging and achieving goals are the means
we use
to prove to ourselves as well as to others the power of the Mystic
Law.
I believe that the challenge facing every human being is the ability
to truly
love and believe in oneself. What I have learned as a result of facing
my insecurities
and fears during the process of writing this article is that I do not
need to rid myself of weakness. Instead, I must train myself to learn
how to
use it as my motivation to create positive change in my life. The
power to make
this possible is sincere prayer based on a powerful determination.
Prayer makes
what we normally would consider impossible into something possible.
I’m sure you are all familiar with the song “Wind Beneath My Wings.”
Negativity self-centered-ness and obstacles can be the wind beneath
our wings
that propels us to soar even higher. Viewing challenges this way may
require
rethinking the way we live our lives. I am convinced, however, that
living this
way is the key to experiencing a joyflul, fulfilled existence; one in
which we
will come to know and believe that Nam myoho-renge-kyo is life itself.
Success is triumphing over challenges. We must challenge ourselves to
do everything
we think we cannot do. Only then will we truly come to know that we
have nothing
to fear because, with the Mystic Law as our foundation, we can
transform any
weakness into strength. That being so, I think you and I are perfect
just the
way we are.
