There may be times when life seems gloomy and dull. When we feel stuck
in some situation or other, when we are negative toward everything, when
we feel lost and bewildered, not sure which way to turn -- at such
times we must transform our passive mind-set and determine, "I will
proceed along this path," "I will pursue my mission today." When we do
so a genuine springtime arrives in our hearts, and flowers start to
blossom.
Daisaku Ikeda
from SGI-USA
"For Today & Tomorrow
By Daisaku Ikeda
Real love is not two people clinging to each other; it can only be
fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality. A
shallow person will have only shallow relationships. If you want to
experience real love, it is important to first sincerely develop a
strong self-identity.
True love is not about doing whatever the other person wants you to do
or pretending you are something you’re not. if someone genuinely loves
you, he or she will not force you to do anything against your will nor
embroil you in some dangerous activity.
It is demeaning to constantly seek your partner’s approval. Such
relationships are bereft of real caring, depth or even love. For those
of you who find yourselves in relationships where you are not treated
the heart says you should be, I hope you will have the courage and
dignity to decide that you are better off risking the scorn of your
partner than enduring unhappiness with him or her.
Does that person inspire you to work harder at your studies or
distract you from them? Does his or her presence make you more
determined to devote greater energies to school activities, be a better
friend, a more thoughtful son or daugther? Does he or she inspire you to
realize your future goals and work to achieve them? Or is that person
your central focus, overshadowing all else - your school activities,
your friends and family and even your goals?
If you are neglecting the things you should be doing, forgetting your
purpose in life because of the relationship you’re in, then you’re on
the wrong path. A healthy relationship is one in which two people
encourage each other to reach their respective goals while sharing each
other’s hopes and dreams. A healthy relationship should be a source of
inspiration, invigoration and hope.
If love could be explained logically, all the agonizing it causes
would vanish from the world. Nonetheless, the bottom line is that,
without respect, no relationship will last for very long nor can two
people bring out the best in each other.
Rather than becoming so love-struck that you create a world where
only the two of you exist, it is much healthier to learn from those
aspects of your partner that you respect and admire and continue to make
efforts to improve and develop yourself.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery, the author of The Little Prince,
once wrote, “Love is not two people gazing at each other, but two people
looking ahead together in the same direction.” It follows then that
relationships last longer when both partners share similar values and
beliefs.
Partners
in a relationship have different roles. There are times when the
burning intensity and power of the sun are called for, and times when
the soothing luminescence and serene wisdom of the moon is what’s
needed. A complementary relationship in which the partners cooperate and
work together is a beautiful thing.
Much of daily life tends to be ordinary and unexciting. Making steady
efforts day to day can be trying. It’s not always going to be fun. But,
when you fall in love, life seems filled with drama and excitement; you
feel like the leading character in a novel.
If you get lost in love just because you’re bored, though, and
consequently veer from the path you should be following, then love is
nothing more than escapism. What you are doing is retreating into a
dream world, believing that what is only an illusion is actually real.
If you try to use love as an escape, the euphoria is unlikely to last
for long. If anything, you may only find yourselves with even more
problems - along with a great deal of pain and sadness. However much we
may try, we can never run away from ourselves. If we remain weak,
suffering will follow us wherever we go. We will never find happiness if
we don’t change ourselves from within.
Happiness is not something that someone else, like a lover, can give
to us. We have to achieve it for ourselves. And the only way to do so is
by developing our character and capacity as human beings; by fully
maximizing our potential. If we sacrifice our growth and talent for
love, we absolutely will not find happiness. True happiness is obtained
through fully realizing our potential.
Each of you has a precious mission that only you can fulfill.
Suffering people around the world are waiting for your brave endeavors.
To neglect your mission and seek only personal pleasure is a sign of
selfishness. It is impossible for an egotistic, self-centered individual
to truly love another person.
On the other hand, if you genuinely love someone, then through your
relationship with him or her, you can develop into a person whose love
extends to all humanity. Such a relationship serves go strengthen,
elevate and enrich your inner realm of life. Ultimately, the
relationships you form are a reflection of your own state of life.
Some people are plunged into deep despair and lose all meaning in
life when a relationship ends or their hearts are broken. Some take the
rejection as a personal negation of everything they stand for and feel
as if they have no value or worth left as human beings.
Many people can probably relate to such feelings. But you are only
letting yourselves down if you succumb to unhealthy obsessions in your
youth or are so blinded by love that you can’t see anything else. No
matter what, you must always do your best to live courageously. You
mustn’t be weak-hearted. Youth is a time for advancing bravely into the
future. You must not veer off course or fall behind or hide in the
shadows.
Please don’t let a broken heart discourage you. Tell yourselves that
you’re not so weak or fragile as to let such a minor thing bring you
down. You may think no one could possibly compare to the one you are
interested in, but how will he or she compare to the next 100, the next
1,000, the enxt 10,000 people you will meet? You cannot declare with
certainty that there won’t be others who far surpass him or her. As you
grow, the way you look at people will change as well.
I’m sure quite a few among you have had your hearts broken or been
badly hurt and perhaps feel unable to go on, your self-esteem in
tatters. But you must never believe that you are worthless. There is no
substitute for you, who are more precious than all the treasures in the
universe gathered together. No matter what your present circumstances, I
think of all of you as my irreplaceable sons and daughters, and I have
the greatest expectation that you will overcome all obstacles and rise
out of any suffering and despair.
It is crucial that we become strong. If we are strong, even our
sadness will become a source of nourishment, and the things that make us
suffer will purify our lives.
Only when we experience the crushing, painful depths of suffering can
we begin to understand the true meaning of life. Precisely because we
have experienced great suffering, it is imperative that we go on living.
The important thing is to keep moving forward. If each of you use
your sadness as a source of growth, you will become a person of greater
depth and breadth - an even more wonderful you. This is the harvest of
your pain and suffering.
Hold your head high. Because you have lived with all your might, you
are victors. You must not sink into depression or take a path that leads
to self-destruction.
Daisaku Ikeda
