Use Buddhism Teachings for Better Relationships

Applying the Principles of Nichiren Buddhism to All Personal Interactions 

Sources: Hochswender, Woody. Martin, Greg. Morino, Ted. The Buddha in Your Mirror: Practical Buddhism and Search for the Self. CA: Middleway Press (a division of the SGI-USA), 2001.

Nichiren Buddhism is a faith that lays a lot of stress on personal development and self-improvement. So, even when it comes to fostering strong and positive relationships and develop lasting bonds, it is essential that one makes the desired effort and brings forth a change in one’s attitude and perspective, a process known as Human Revolution. Learn how to use the principles of Nichiren Buddhism to improve relationships and engage in mutually beneficial interactions.

Respect for Everyone

One of the fundamental principles of Nichiren Buddhism is to see the inherent Buddha nature in everyone and therefore, give due respect.

Nichiren Buddhism stresses that everyone has the inherent wisdom and compassion to be a Buddha and that is the reason one must not disrespect or malign another person, because it would be akin to maligning Buddha himself. Relationships would improve dramatically, if everyone could accord the other person proper respect and dignity.

Oppose Evil and Corruption

While Nichiren Buddhism does emphasize respect for every human being, it also, stresses standing up for what is right and opposing injustice and corruption. It teaches that everyone should exercise courage and strength in supporting the right and good.

However, the way to fight is not violent and aggressive; rather it is peaceful and based on effective communication and dialogue. All relationships would benefit greatly if conflicts are resolved in a peaceful, non-confrontational manner.

Being Compassionate and Considerate

One of the foremost qualities of Nichiren Buddhism is to have immense compassion and consideration for everyone. Chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo for the happiness of others is something that most Nichiren Buddhists do on a regular basis.

Meeting members who need support, encouraging members and simply, paying attention to others are just some of the things that Nichiren Buddhists do and that is one reason why relationships between the members are strong and close-knit.

Taking Responsibility for Your Actions

Being accountable for one’s actions and not blaming others or circumstances is integral to Nichiren Buddhism. This ensures that every individual learns to introspect and works at becoming a strong, confident person who knows that every action, thought and word would have a corresponding consequence or result. This leads to relationships that are free of blame, guilt and any negativity.

Improving and Changing Ourselves

According to the principles of Nichiren Buddhism, human revolution or self-improvement is at the foundation of all successful relationships. Since the only person upon whom one has real influence is one’s own self, therefore, it makes sense to improve and change oneself to change one’s relationships. This could involve becoming strong enough to move out of an abusive relationship or becoming adaptable and open to a different perspective.

It is easy to see how simple principles of Nichiren Buddhism can enable individuals to form strong, meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships with others around them.

 

Which Way Are You Practicing?

Vice President Karwei's Guidance, 1996

Prayers need to have a specific focus. Just chanting daimoku does not constitute prayer with desired results. Prayers equal practice. It means to pray specifically for what you want, by when, and by what means. If you chant for specific results, you will achieve them. If you are putting in half-hearted efforts, it is like taking a walk with no objective or destination in mind and returning home with nothing achieved. Just praying and having aimless actions won’t end in results. You must have specific goals in mind and then take action. This is the correct method. 

The clear objectives of desiring to change one’s self, heart, lifestyle, environment, problems, etc., are important. Nichiren Daishonin says one must reflect to see if he or she is advancing or regressing . If one is not aware, then they are lazy and may be considered taiten (not practicing). You could be exerting yourself but if you are not advancing, then you are considered to be in a non-practicing state (taiten). You are practicing to change yourself, not just to practice hard. If you haven’t experienced much change in yourself, you have not made enough effort to do so. If you just logically study and understand this Buddhism, you will not change. Sensei always says, “The heart is the most important. No one says just try hard. You can make a change, depending on the state of your heart.” Determination is the key. A person with no determination to change will not change.

Progressive Practice- people who are practicing with a strong desire to change.

Lateral-moving practice- people who are practicing out of obligation.

Reverse-moving practice- people who are practicing with suspicion, complaint and negativity.

The people who are moving forward will continue to progress and grow. The people who are moving sideways are moving in circles. The people who are moving backwards will continue to regress and eventually quit the practice.

Don’t take action just for the sake of taking action. Participating in SGI activities is not a substitute for sincere practice. The determination or heart behind the action is the most important (ichinen). The type of determination behind the action determines what type of results you get. 

How can we experience actual proof?
If you yourself have experienced benefits, then you will have no doubts. But if conviction is weak, and a problem occurs, faith wavers. Members who have no experience are weak. If you don’t have actual proof in this faith, you are not practicing this faith.

Having the objective to change yourself is important. Make specific goals and then take actions toward those goals. First, entrust your life to the Gohonzon (Nam). Chant specifically about a certain goal or problem. If you have a way out to resolve the problem, you can try it; for something impossible, you have to chant to the Gohonzon. It has to be a pure and strong prayer. This is the correct attitude in this faith. 

An impossible situation is actually a great opportunity. It is a chance to improve and overcome the situation. If you chant with strong determination you will definitely get results. A weak attitude such as, “as long as I practice, I will be okay”, will not produce benefits, but if your determination is strong, you will experience the benefit. 

It may seem to defy logic, but nothing is impossible for the Gohonzon. We chant to the Gohonzon to change the impossible to possible. Don’t think about it too logically or dwell on it! Just direct your desires and prayers to the Gohonzon. This is what faith is all about.

What does the Gohonzon symbolize? What is Nam myoho renge kyo?
The concept of the Ten Worlds, also known as the Ten Life States, forms one of the fundamental principles of Buddhism. It teaches that everyone possesses the Ten Worlds within their life, and everyone has the ability to perceive, as well as the potential to manifest these states. Our life state changes from moment to moment, depending on our interaction with the environment. In other words, at any given moment one of the Ten Worlds is visible, while the rest of the Ten Worlds remain hidden. From lowest to highest these are: Hell State, Hunger, Animality, Anger, Tranquility, Rapture, learning and Realization, Bodhisattva and Buddhahood.

Richard Causton: Buddha in Daily Life

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1.02.28

Groundhog Day

"When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter."- Phil Connors

That is a line from the funny 1993 Harold Ramis film "Groundhog Day. It stars Bill Murray as a egotistical and cynical weatherman Phil Connor who is sent to Punxatawney, Penn., to cover Groundhog Day. He rather be anywhere than near that darn groundhog. He's accompanied on this trip by Rita (Andie McDowell), the segment producer. Because of a snowstorm, they are forced to stay another day. When he wakes up the next morning at 6am (with Sonny and Cher singing "I Got You Babe" on the clock radio), he discovers that it's Groundhog Day all over again. Everyone and everything is the same except for him. And it keeps happening over and over, day after day after day.

Just like my review of the film "Harold & Maude", this film also has a Buddhist theme. According to Buddhist critic Tom Armstrong, its "the greatest Buddhist movie ever made". 

I really enjoy this film and upon re-watching this past weekend, you yourself will feel like your stuck in a time loop and want to catch the next greyhound bus out of town for good. But more importantly, you can see that change is possible. The kind of change that affects you, your environment and your karma. 

You leave the film thinking, man Phil is one enlightened guy! Phil is not a god. He never says he is but believes he's like a god. But he's an ordinary person like all of us. We may see what he was able to accomplished as extraordinary (like having super powers or something, which I will address in a upcoming post), but its fact is not. Phil perfectly depicts what a Bodhisattva is. 

So we know that Phil relives the same day over and over again. The same events happen, day in and day out. But how is he like a Bodhisattva? As witness his journey into the Ten Worlds (some say his character is in a time loop for about 8.5 years or more) ,he begins to realize that in order to break this cycle he needs to change himself. Here is what we know about Phil and a general sequence of events that happen to him:

• He's not a nice guy, arrogant, insincere, egocentric.
• He cannot believe the day is repeating itself, aggravated.
• He tests how far he can go without ever paying for any consequences for his actions (punching out a man, overeating, robbing money),  "I don't worry about anything anymore".
• He has fun getting information to use the following day to take advantage of people, testing his memory of events.
• He uses the same tactics on the segment producer Rita so he can woo her. 
• She repeatedly slaps and rebuffs his advances.
• He looks terrible, tired and defeated, and figures he has to stop the groundhog so Winter could end 

PHIL (sarcastic, to camera) Well, that's it.  Sorry you couldn't be here in person to share the electric moment.  This is one event where television really fails to capture the excitement of thousands of people gathered to watch a large squirrel predict the weather, and I for one am deeply grateful to have been a part of it. Reporting for Channel 9, this is Phil Connors. 
RITA You want to try one that's a little sweeter? 
PHIL That's as sweet as I get.  I'm outa here.

• He drives off a cliff (with the groundhog in tow) to his suppose death
• He survives that so begins his quest find other ways to off himself (stabbed, poisoned, hanged, frozen, jumps off a building, burned, electrocuted.
• He thinks he's a god because he survived all of those attempts and tries to convince Rita by telling her all the things he knows about her, Punxatawney and its people.

After spending the day with Rita, she realizes this is not the same jerk she once knew. He is being honest, opened, and there is this kind of realization that sets in for him. But not the realization you think. He's close to it though. He thought he had the power to control everyone and everything. He wasted his days for selfish reasons, but once that idea got tired. He tried to kill himself to escape his suffering, but that didn't work- he thought okay now what? I thought that even though he was experiencing the same day over and over again, he was creating new experiences. The more you learn about what works and what doesn't work, you begin to expand and grow as a person. He was discovering parts of himself that maybe he never knew existed or was possible.


RITA I'm just amazed. And I'm not easily amazed.
PHIL About what?? 
RITA How you can start a day with one kind of expectation and end up so completely different.

In other words, change you, change your environment. 

To me the turning points happens when he's with Rita flipping cards in a hat and he says that its always the same day, February 2nd and there is nothing I can do about it. Rita tells him:

"I don't know, Phil. Maybe it's not a curse. It just depends on how you look at it."

Later when she falls asleep, he speaks from his heart to Rita and says:  "It doesn't matter what happens tomorrow or for the rest of my life. I'm happy now."

• Now he wakes up with a different more positive attitude.
• Learns how to play the piano, ice sculpt, speak french, attempts to save man' life who once before he completely ignored.
• Saves a kid falling out of a tree, fixes a flat tire for a bunch of elderly women, helps a choking man, shows his piano playing abilities at the groundhog banquet..slowly but surely impressing Rita.
• He unveils his ice sculpture of Rita and says "I'm happy now because I love you no matter what happens. 
• He wakes up again, next to Rita...its a brand new day, February 3rd

"Groundhog Day" really illustrates the Buddhist concept of samsara, the continuing cycle of birth and death that ordinary people undergo in the the world of illusion and suffering. Buddhists regard this suffering one must escape. This rebirth is referred to as "transmigration in the six paths." The six paths are the realms of hell, hungry spirits, animals, asuras, human beings, and heavenly beings. Unenlightened beings are born into one of the six paths in accordance with their actions in their previous existence; when the present life is over,they are reborn in the same or another of the six paths, REPEATING this process so long as they fail to free themselves from it. Sound familiar? Freeing oneself from transmigration is our goal. The causes for such transmigration are regarded as ignorance of the true nature of life and selfish craving. In order to free yourself from this, you must awaken to the truth of your life and eliminate selfish craving, which leads to attaining nirvana.

The film also illustrates the Buddhist concept of attachment. Because of our attachment to ignorance, hatred, greed or things outside ourselves, we are never satisfied. And the more attach we become, the more we experience misery, complaints and doubt.

Phil awakened to the truth which is why he would be considered a Bodhisattva. A Bodhisattva is one who aspires to attain enlightenment or Buddhahood and carries altruistic practice. Phil displays this in many forms when he begins to give back, save lives and more importantly shows compassion for the citizens of Punxsutawney. In Nichiren Buddhism, one can attain Buddhahood in your present form and completed in a single lifetime. Phil goes through the lower ten worlds over and over and in the end, finds happiness and satisfaction in devoting himself to relieving the suffering of others. His early selfish actions (bad causes), did not yield good results (effects) for him either. When he began to embrace his life, his existence- he changed the people around him. They were magnetized to him or as we say attracted to his high life condition. And as a result, finds a genuine love relationship with Rita.

Many may wonder how he gets there. One could say because he really heard what Rita said and changed his perceptions when he stopped trying and began to care or when he stopped making bad causes and surrendered to the truth of his heart. I like to think its because he had a omamori with him (traveling case that holds your Gohonzon) in his room or somewhere, he was shakabukued. And after every failed day, he chanted to find clarity and wisdom. It was trial and error each time but he finally found the key to unlock his suffering. Here the eightfold path is evident. He had the self-awareness, optimism and courage to change his life. We all do. Its about acknowledging that the mistakes we make, can be improved upon and by making one small or big change, you can significantly achieve whatever it is you want. In other words, you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness.

According to Dean Sluyter, the author of Cinema Nirvana: Enlightenment Lessons from the Movies, the film repeat parts of the same day forty-two times, or six weeks, exactly the time we will wait for winter to end if the groundhog sees his shadow. “In other words,” he said, “we are the groundhog and we are afraid of our own shadow, a shadow created by light. That light is truth, reality. Ultimate truth, then, is not a bummer. It’s nothing.”

But that can't be done if you stay in your groundhog shadow because you will never see the Spring. He saw Winter has an opportunity, a challenge to change himself and his environment. And as we learned from our Buddhist practice Winter never fails to turn into Spring.

By Seleus Blelis
 

Breaking Through Our Limitations

Culled from General Lecture by Linda Johnson,
SGI-USA 21.3.98

Nothing is impossible with Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. That is the spirit with which we have to learn to live everyday in order to live our lives to the fullest.
Too often we limit ourselves, we settle too frequently for less than what we want. We all started practicing because we wanted to achieve something beyond what we currently had. We have to reawaken to that fact and re-inspire and remind each other of the power of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

In the gosho "On Attaining Buddhahood", Nichiren Daishonin says: If you wish to free yourself, from the sufferings of birth and death you have endured through eternity and attain supreme enlightenment in this lifetime, you must awaken to the mystic truth which has always been within your life. This truth is Myohorenge-kyo (MW,Vol. 1, pg.3)

Nichiren Daishonin says the only difference between Buddha and common mortal is that a common mortal is still deluded. Too often we spend our days denying our potential. We only see our weakness and allow them to frustrate us. We are always looking for answer outside ourselves. But if we're looking outside ourselves, we're looking in the wrong place. We already have the answer. We already possess everything that we need. The solution to our problems is in the wisdom that is already inside of ourselves. We tap it every time we chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo with the knowledge and the expectations that "I have the answer. I just need to chant to pull out."

It is very important that we start practicing aggressively. Whatever you need each moment of your life, you already have it with Nam-myoho-renge-kyo you can connect to it. You are no longer at the mercy of your environment unless you choose to be.

In the gosho, Reply to Kyo-O, Nichiren Daishonin says: Nam-myoho-renge-kyo is like the roar of a lion. What sickness can therefore be an obstacle? (MW, Vol.l, pg.119) In this gosho, Nichiren Daishonin is not just referring to physical illness. He is talking about any problem, any obstacle. It is no mistake that he chose to refer to the lion, which is known as the king of the jungle. A lion uses the same energy to attack any prey, no matter what its size. Nichiren Daishonin goes on in that same gosho to say: "A sword will be useless in the hands of a coward." (MW,Vol.pg.120)

LouiseyLemur

The Lion King

We limit our happiness every single day. We have conditioned ourselves to limits and we limit ourselves. As soon as things get difficult we decide and we convince ourselves that "reality" is telling us that we cannot have it and we retreat. We change our goals and give in to our limitations.

President Ikeda says: When your determination changes, everything else begins to move in the direction you desire. The moment you resolve to be victorious, every nerve and fiber in your being immediately orient themselves toward your success. On the other hand, if you think, "this is never going to work out," at that instant, every cell in your being will be deflated, giving up the fight. Everything then will move in the direction of failure. I want you to understand the subtle workings of the mind. How you orient your mind, the kind of attitude you have, greatly influence both yourself and your environment.

The Buddhist principle of a single life-moment possessing 3,000 realms completely elucidates the true aspect of life's inner workings. Through the power of strong inner resolve, we can transform ourselves, those around us and the land where we live. Each of us has this tool, this "secret weapon." There is no greater treasure. (World Tribune. July 11, 1997 pg.14)

Many times we've been chanting and give up when things don't move. But with what attitude have we been chanting? We must go for our dreams 100%! Never do anything half-hearted. If in your heart you don't believe it will happen, it will not happen. It matters what you do in front of and away from the Gohonzon. Your attitude always matters.

The solution is always daimoku and if you don’t believe that, then chant to believe it. Chant to have the courage to take action. Chant to pullout of your life what you need and when you need it. The moment you feel weak,fight back. President Ikeda says even if you get knocked down five times, get up six. Always have the spirit to get up. We can change anything in the moment. We can change this moment and tomorrow. We must be courageous; we must challenge those things that we do not believe we can achieve. If we never challenge the impossible, we can never, ever know the full power of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

Marilyn Monroe

The only person who can achieve our dreams is ourselves. We have to rely on ourselves to achieve it, to do it. Nothing in life brings greater joy than achieving a goal through your own effort. If you are not a coward who quits, you can achieve anything. President Ikeda has been writing a lot to the youth lately, but I tell you he's talking to all of us. He says youth isn't just age. It is spiritual strength. Youth means not to be resistant to
change, to never settle for mediocrity and to continually seek growth.

Making constant effort over our lifetime is the key to our happiness. Always be on guard: look at yourself and ask: Am I limiting myself? It is human nature to want to take the path of least resistance. But the path of least resistance is the path of little change, little growth and a lifetime of unhappiness and frustration.

Chanting abundant daimoku is the key to everything. It puts our lives in rhythm so that we can accomplish everything we need to do. It is important to enjoy morning and evening gongyo and daimoku. It is a very mystical experience when you put your practice first, which in effect is putting your life first. You'd be amazed how much you will get done and enjoy doing it. Chanting lots of daimoku is the gift we give ourselves; it is the key to enjoy life.

Aren't we worth it?
We have to encourage each other to stop settling for less and really test this practice. It means a lot of hard work. When we challenge ourselves, a lot of inner resistance comes out. It's about what we do to ourselves to sabotage ourselves. In reality, there are those who demonstrate exception to every rule. Why can't you be the exception all the time? You have the power within you to do that. Faith is to believe in yourself. Stop denying
that you are a Buddha. All you have to do is manifest it from within. Chant to believe you can manifest it. With the right attitude, you can go forward wholeheartedly. Our reality changes from moment to moment. Do not give in to one perception and let it totally take control over your life.

We have the ability to be completely happy, totally victorious, regardless of what another person says or does: irrespective of what's going on in our environment. But if we don't take charge, we won't achieve it. Every time you find yourself putting limitations on yourself, use it as an opportunity to prove that what you can achieve with Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

Our mission is to show the greatness of the law. Nothing is a problem unless we allow it to be. You must use your Buddha nature. Inspire each other to remember from today onward to go for big dreams and big goals. It's time to go for the impossible so that you can really express yourself. It will be the best possible gift you could ever give yourself.