By Seleus Blelis You're the star of your own life. The leading man or woman. You choose not to play the wise-cracking best friend or funny sidekick. Maybe you've play that role long enough. But now is the time to shine and show the world what you're made of. We all have that chance to change even the littlest things, into something beautiful and lasting. This comes from a pure place because you want to evolve and understand past actions that have caused you such unhappiness. But that cannot happen if you are blinded by ignorance and arrogance. Once you begin to question the same patterns that keep repeating themselves in your life, then you can begin to replace them with a whole new set of tools. My tools are Faith, Practice and Study. Always remember the one thing that is constant in your environment- YOU. And if YOU put the blame on others for your own misery, you will never see a change. Even if you don't believe in this practice. The same rules apply. It all starts with you. The beauty of this practice, is that you can be the star of your own life and be freed from delusion. You can see clearly why and how you are suffering. What lead to it? And then, what you can do about it. You can win by having a indestructible spirit. By knowing that you at least tried and fought. When you clearly envision a victorious outcome, engrave it in your heart and are firmly convinced that you will attain it, your brain makes every effort to realize the mental image you have created. Then, through unceasing efforts, that victory is finally made reality. You are the playwright of your own victory.
A
Young Women's Division member, capable and beautiful, had to suffer
repeatedly from her vicious karma relationship. Her karma had been
played out continuously for a few years by several young men of a
similar type, as if the were in a relay race. Each time the
relationship started, she was so attracted to one of them and would
quickly surrender her heart & body, thus becoming a subordinate to
the man. She had offered herself as cheap game for those men to capture
easily. As a result, they did not cherish her but, one after another,
dumped her when the fresh excitement faded. Obviously, none of
them was the man that she was supposed to share her life with and her
karma would trap her anyway at the time when she had no wisdom to
distinguish good from bad. She could realize the problem of her karma
until she strove to quadruple her daimoku and kosen rufu activities for
a while.
She then persistently strengthened her faith, practice
and study with the goal of eradicating her karma relationship. She also
worked staunchly on her human revolution. In her case, she had to
painstakingly force herself not to quickly jump into a new relationship
before it was clear that she had transformed her life. She has
now found her ideal soul mate, an entirely different type of person to
whom she would have noticed before. Now she can genuinely treat him
very sweetly to her hearts content because he gives her in return, even
more love & care. However, this only transpired when she had
elevated her life state and changed her perspective towards men and
could thereby recognize and choose this lucky man who suits her so
perfectly. Three-years diligent practice, amidst tears and heart
breaking experiences, was indeed touch to overcome in her quest to
eradicate her bad karma relationship but it was well worth all the
effort. If she had never made that effort, she would still be stumbling
and struggling with the same karma, probably for the rest of her life, The second answer that our lives can contribute is to choose wisely. We
don’t want to risk our happiness by grabbing someone just because that
person is available to us. If we do, we can expect the endless struggle
that’s going to befall us. Feeling desperately lonely, fearing that
there is no chance of finding a better partner or thinking we don’t
deserve a good one are no reasons to perfunctorily settle for less. Its
better to leave one’s heart yearning for love than to fill the aching
void without discretion. Again, we would be much better off if
we turned the energy of desperation, fear and struggle into the fuel to
forge our development first. Once we have cultivated more commendable
quality, naturally we qualify to have more options to choose from.
Thus, we can hold our heads high and choose wisely.
Let’s look at what a harmonious seamless relationship is like in Nichiren Daishonin’s eyes:- THE
HIYOKI IS A BIRD WITH ONE BODY AND TWO HEADS. BOTH OF ITS MOUTHS
NOURISH THE SAME BODY. HIMOKU ARE FISH WITH ONLY ONE EYE EACH, SO THE
MALE AND FEMALE REMAIN TOGETHER FOR LIFE. A HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD BE
LIKE THEM. Letter to the Brothers, WND p 502 The
ideal relationship should be reciprocally nourishing. It is very
important that with our partner we inspire and encourage, respect and
cherish, motivate and invigorate each other. We share dreams &
hopes, embrace each others beliefs and character, shed tears together
over adversities, and work as two in body but one in mind on mutual
goals. Be sure that both sides are mature, sincere , independent,
genuine, positive, caring and willing to improve & grow. We
don’t wish to be involved with someone whose energy is inherently
destructive and negative& will hinder our happiness. If our
prospective partner tends to dominate or overpower us. Unreasonably and
if we are not sure of our ability to joyously accommodate such a strong
personality, lets employ our wisdom and judgment and stay away from
them. We have to be on our guard instead and not blindly jump into
predictably doomed and painful relationship.
The third answer from our lives with which to solve our relationship problem is to renew the image of our soulmate. Indeed,
superficially speaking, it is hard to find someone whose strengths and
weaknesses fit us perfectly. But, it is up to us how we think and work
to compliment each other and create value from our partner’s seemingly
negative traits in our eyes. When the ideals and desires of the
two sides are unbalanced or confrontational before we treat it, as a
doomed relationship and helplessly plunge into the commitment or before
we rush to abandon the relationship, there’s something we can try. In
fact, activating our wisdom awakens us to the untrue portrait we have
painted of our partner. We can also employ the teachings of Nichiren
Buddhism to gain a truthful, vivid and positive image of the same
person. There are different angles from which we can review our
opinion about our partner and find ways to amend and adjust the
differences between both sides. Are the fundamental problems
in our relationship definitely unbearable in the long term? Are they
fixed without the possibility of improvement or change? Are they solely
our partners fault? Or are they the result of our own deceived mind due
to the function of the three poisons of greed, anger & foolishness?
Most importantly of all, do we have the wisdom to see the reality of
the relationship as the manifestation of our own karma, & do we
thus want to take total responsibility? What can we do to help our
partner and to turn around our relationship? Ever wonder why the
same deserted man or woman can become the sweetheart of another person?
One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. That is to say the value
of everything changes, depending on its relationship with the
environment and depending on how we look at it. Does that mean tht we
can reformat the pattern of our relationship without changing partners?
Yes!! Here come the tough questions to ponder and the real task
to follow through on: Can we allow our partners the room to live their
lives instead of enveloping them in the narrow fashion of our frame of
mind? Are we willing to employ the kind of wisdom, compassion and
strength, our Buddha Nature, and to resolve to process the poisons into
medicines? Will we set out on this new avenue, whatever it takes, with
only a positive attitude, and create nothing but good causes for the
relationship? Do we want to exert our wisdom and compassion to
understand where our partners are coming from and practice this
Buddhism on their behalf to help them change their karma and erase
trauma? The fourth answer to helping ourselves in our
relationships is to reflect upon what we want and be well prepared for
it. In other words, ask for what we want as well as doing what we have
to do to deserve it.
